DON GONYEA, HOST:
For almost a month now, a 28-year-old Iranian writer in Tehran has been sharing her diary entries with NPR, giving us a view of the war as it is being lived. This is her second dispatch. She asks us not to reveal her identity because she fears publicly opposing the Iranian regime could get her arrested. As NPR's Ruth Sherlock reports, the writer's words show the complicated emotions some Iranians have about this war.
RUTH SHERLOCK, BYLINE: From her apartment in a tower block near the snowcapped mountains that overlook Tehran, this Iranian blogger writes of the airstrikes that lands like great blows on her city. The words from her diary throughout this story are read by a voice actor.
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) Bombing again. One, two, a few seconds apart, and three. The fighter jet is coming towards us now again. I want to get up from the couch and prepare breakfast, but the plane feels so close, so loud, it makes me shiver.
SHERLOCK: It's been two weeks of war, and four friends have moved in with her and her boyfriend to find comfort in each other. When the bombs land close, they hide in a spot in the apartment between a concrete column and a cabinet away from the windows.
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) Our shelter is not really a shelter, but it gives us a feeling of security.
SHERLOCK: Despite all this, a different wound runs through her diary, the trauma of what she calls bloody January, when people came to the streets earlier this year in massive anti-government protests about the country's spiraling economy.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
UNIDENTIFIED PROTESTERS: (Chanting in non-English language).
SHERLOCK: The government response was brutal.
(SOUNDBITE OF GUNFIRE)
SHERLOCK: Videos show security forces firing into crowds.
(SOUNDBITE OF GUNFIRE)
SHERLOCK: The Iranian blogger and friends were in those protests.
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) The sound of gunfire. We took shelter behind newsstands, behind cars, covering our faces with our hands as futile shields against the bullets.
SHERLOCK: More than 6,000 people were killed in the demonstrations, mostly over two nights on January 8 and 9. A Washington, D.C.-based human rights organization, HRANA, that's rigorous in assessing death tolls, verified that number and has 17,000 more recorded deaths under investigation.
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) I can't stop thinking about it for a moment, how a government could massacre so many innocent people in the most horrific way.
SHERLOCK: These experiences complicate how the Iranian blogger feels about the U.S. and Israel's war against the Iranian regime. Her diary entries at times mourn the deaths of civilians and the destruction of places she loves. She wants the war to end, but the airstrikes on government targets are also an outlet for the rage she feels against the country's leaders.
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) This sound is the sound of revenge. The truth is, after the January protests, I can no longer think of living under this government. I don't want to be left with the Islamic republic. I don't want them in my country. Can anyone in the world understand this level of despair?
SHERLOCK: In this war, the government is watching even more closely for opponents. They've cut off internet access to the outside world. She takes huge risks buying illegal time online through a VPN.
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) We get constant threatening text messages that we are under surveillance and must leave any Telegram news channels and not speak out against the government.
SHERLOCK: She goes out one night to dinner at a friend's house. On her way there, she wears a headscarf, not by choice, but because she fears showing her hair will raise suspicion that she doesn't support this religious government and make her a target for arrest.
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) I don't sleep at night anymore. I am afraid of taking refuge in sleep. But with the internet cut, there is often no news when I am awake either, only darkness and the shadow of death.
SHERLOCK: Amid these three weeks of fear, as the conflict continues, her daily life, though, is punctuated by small acts of rebellion. The government bans celebrations for Chaharshanbe Suri, the ancient Persian fire festival. Regime supporters say Iran should remain in mourning for former Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, who was killed in an airstrike at the beginning of the war. But when the day of the festival comes, the blogger from her balcony sees a neighbor quietly celebrating.
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) He lit a fire in his yard.
SHERLOCK: This spurs her and her boyfriend, in defiance of the government orders, to light firecrackers.
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) Then I saw a little boy I know from the supermarket, setting off firecrackers too. We all went to the alley and set off firecrackers together. A neighbor who supports the government leaned out of his window and shouted, I'm calling the security forces to come and take you away. But more neighbors gathered, and we shouted back at him together, be quiet, this is our ancient ritual. We jumped over fire someone made in the alley by setting a cardboard box alight.
SHERLOCK: Government supporters in the neighborhood played mournful music to try to drown out the sound of these celebrations. And then from another apartment window, an opponent of the regime played music by Hayedeh, a famous Iranian singer from before the revolution that brought this regime to power.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SHABEH ESHGH")
HAYEDEH: (Singing in non-English language).
UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As blogger, reading) So now, there's only the sound of our music, firecrackers and explosions. What a beautiful night.
SHERLOCK: When Nowruz, the Persian new year, comes a few days later, the trees have unfurled their spring leaves, sparrows sing and she says a rainbow appears over the city. She writes about how she placed a speaker by her window and played out a patriotic anthem for the people of Iran. As this mixed with the sounds of explosions from airstrikes that sent tremors through buildings, she says she cried for all that Iranians have lived through and for their life now in this war.
Ruth Sherlock, NPR News.
(SOUNDBITE OF NORTH AMERICANS' "STANLEY (FEAT. HAYDEN PEDIGO)") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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