A good friend is dying and I contact his wife to set up a time to visit. He and I have shared meaningful conversations and we need one now. Ten minutes after I arrive, however, a golfing buddy drops in and the three of us chat about local events.
Ten minutes after that, a woman colleague drops in with a bowl of chili. The four of us chat about local events. I don’t want to talk about local events; that’s why I set up a time for a private visit. Then I remind myself it’s not about me. It’s about my friend and he seems to be enjoying all this attention and affection, lying in a hospital bed in his living room.
I stay an hour and the golfing buddy is still there when I leave. And I reflect as I’m driving home that the world is divided into two kinds of people: the Drop-Inners and the Make-an-Appointmenters. I’m clearly in the latter group.
I wish I weren’t. All my life I’ve wanted to be more spontaneous, flexible, go-with-the-flow. But trying to be spontaneous is a contradiction in terms. In my next life I might drop in on you, but for now—I’ll call ahead.